Beloved Grandfather

"when it rains, it pours" - & if this is not the story of my life, i do not know what is .. late last night - my grandpa passed away =( .. he was sick for about a month, but in the past he was always a trooper, & eventually recovered the best he could .. i wish that would have happened one last time =/ - my grandpa started wheezing pretty bad one night & started getting panic-stricken to lay down & try to rest, because he could not catch his breath .. we decided that it never could hurt to play things safe, & get him checked – because when a person is of old-age & fragile, everything greatly matters .. so we took him to the hospital where the poor man had to sit in the emergency room for hours, uncomfortably - & doctors came to the conclusion that he had pneumonia, as well as a slightly collapsed lung .. he stayed in the hospital for a few days – they did a procedure on him with a tube to open up the lung that was collapsed, & although that was a big deal – he was starting to make some progress .. the deal was that he was not ready to come home yet [he lived in the side apartment of my house] & that a rehabilitation for three weeks would be the best thing for him .. although we just wanted him back home where he was happy & comfortable – my family decided that the nursing home rehabilitation would be beneficial for my grandpa .. he was easy going & did not mind having to stay there for a short amount of time, besides we visited him every day – so he would not feel alone, or like we forgot him there .. the plan was that they would do activities with him to improve his walking, for example - since he was not able to walk good lately, because of his shortness of breath, his feet became very swollen .. all of a sudden: Thursday afternoon [right after i finished my nail madness blog] my dad called me & told me that grandpa was really not doing well * i was shocked because he was just starting to do better, & everything was happening so fast .. i stayed in school, until my last class ended at four thirty & then rushed straight home to talk to my parents, who came home to meet me .. as soon as i came home, i knew things were bad – just by the look off of my parents’ & sister’s face * i quickly freshened up – my mom fed us & we headed back to the nursing home .. before i went in to see him, my sister grabbed my hand & said that he really looks terrible, & tried to prepare me * little did i know how sick he actually looked .. he was suffering – rapidly, from kidney failure & thus, was literally drowning in his own body fluids .. it was awful – i was crying before i even walked over to him * i could not believe this was happening .. in four hours he had gotten so much worse, & he was now suffering from heart failure as well – because he was panicking that he could not breath .. it kills me to even think about it – it sounded as if he was under water, because he had liquids filling up to the top of his throat & what really bothered us the most was that he was scared, because he knew he was drowning & that i am sure is such a frightening feeling .. we were all around him, crying, praying, & trying to tell him not to be afraid: that we will be there to the very end, & how much we love him .. he was not able to answer – but we knew he heard us, we took turns holding his hand – in which he was squeezing as hard as he could .. it bothers me so much that he wanted to answer - & tell us that he heard everything we were saying * but could not .. we comforted him - & he passed away, after about ten hours of being in such critical condition .. although a death in the family is such a hard thing, i have to admit i kind of feel at peace with most of it – due to the fact that he is no longer suffering or scared .. it has only been one day & i already miss him, it is definitely going to take time to realize that he is not coming home to his apartment * i know he is with me in my heart, thoughts, & prayers - & will always be a part of me .. i am really trying to be strong, but it is so very hard to with situations like these * my grandpa’s wake will be on Sunday, & his funeral mass & burial will be on Monday .. these next few days are going to be just as hard, if not harder – but i will do my best do get through them, as much as i possibly can * thankfully, my family & my boyfriend are all feeling the same way as me, so we can lean on each other .. after all, it is times like these where a family needs to come together as one -- rest in peace grandpa .. ciao *